Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Although I have a corporate overlord master with a standard becubicled work environment, I rarely go into that office. I prefer to spend my work days at home, under-dressed and farting relentlessly. It just feels right.

Today, however, I had to enter the belly of the beast. I was scheduled to attend something known in corporate jargon as a "meeting". This was to be my first time in the office in about 4 glorious months. In fact, it had been so long that in my absence the office had changed location from one mediocre office park to a far more generic one. Now, it's officially Office Brand Office!

Getting ready for the meeting was weird. I had to put on those things with the pant legs that go all the way down. I think they're called pants. I affixed them with belts. I also inserted my arms into a piece of fabric with arm holes and sleeves. Shoes were non fuzzy and hairs were smooshed down into submission. All systems were go. I was fully prepared to interact with hu-mans.

I lurched into the office and stared at the first coworker I saw. Instead of being able to interact with him naturally, using my keyboard, I was reduced to forcing air up out of my throat and squawking noises at him. I chirped and moaned what I believed to be a traditional hu-man greeting and then stumbled toward my meeting.

When I got to the meeting room, I was dismayed to find it filled with live people. They waived their upper limbs at me and shrieked non-binary, un-compilable statements. I mimicked their noises, hooting responses each time the hu-mans aimed their eyeballs rays at me.

We continued this nonsense for 5.5 hours.

I'm not exactly sure what was decided at the meeting. I look forward to the email summary


Mya said...

I'm sure your hu-man coworkers are relieved that your trips to the office are brief too - given your personal habits.

Great blog - very funny, I'll be back.

Mya x

Avery Gray said...

Did you beat the hu-mans with sticks? You should do that next time. Shows dominance. They'll give you a wide berth. At least, I've found that to be the case.

Mike said...

Hey Mya, I bet I charmed my coworkers. I gave them a lot of :)

Avery, sticks, eh? That's not really my style. I could reboot them though.

Ms.PhD said...

thanks, i laughed at this. i really do wish i could work at home all the time.

Mike said...

Hi Ms PhD! You use test tubes and bunsen burners and whatnot, no? That would be tougher to do from home.