Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I got nothing today! Usually that stops me from posting, but not today. Today, I just feel like typing.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog!

It's the classic typing sentence. At cocktail parties analysis of this sentence typically centers on the fox, who gets top billing. For my money though, the real intrigue starts when you get to the lazy dog. I mean, my god, how lazy would a dog have to be to just lie there while a streaking fox hurdles over him. It's not that the dog is sick, or tired, or generally incapable of following the most basic built-in dog instinct: chasing. It's just that the dog is that damn lazy. Epically lazy.

That's pretty impressive. Daisy would dig that dog.

Meanwhile, someone got to my blog today by searching on outty vaginas. Outty vaginas? I've seen my share of vaginas. Before I settled down with Hank, my legendary womanizing acquainted me with ONES of vaginas, so I know of what I speak here. Also, according to Yahoo, I am the #5 resource on outty vaginas, so I command some authority on the topic:

If you are looking for an outty vagina, you are looking for a penis.

And on one final note, if you really want to creep me out, file your nails. FILING A BODY PART! That is just an inhuman act. Oook.


newnorth said...

lol, and you said you got nothing.
So, you've never filed a nail? What if there is a rough spot?

Mike said...

Newnorth, nails are to be cut, or in extreme cases, clipped. Filing is animals without opposable thumbs (no offense).

Neel Mehta said...

I applaud the dog. To be "epically lazy," as you say, requires a certain amount of mastery. That dog KNOWS the fox is way too quick to catch, and makes that determination equally quickly so he/she need not move a muscle.

Ha, "he/she." We all know the dog is a he.

Mike said...

Neel, it's not that the quick brown fox jumps over the calculating dog. The dog isn't computing intercept trajectories. He is just lazy on a historic and unprecedented scale.

And, of course he's a he. All dogs are "he"s. And cats are "she"s.