Having the 4th of July fall on a Wednesday is the dumbest thing since unsliced bread.

How exactly was this supposed to work? Was I supposed to party on Tuesday night like it was Friday (in 1999)? Maybe, just MAYBE that could have worked. It's weird, fo sho, but I'm a flexible man (except for my hamstrings, which is probably tomorrow's post).

Today, however, was a farce. Today was the ACTUAL HOLIDAY that we're celebrating and I had work looming over me since tomorrow is a work day. It loomed mockingly! LOOMED, I TELL YOU! A one-day weekend is no weekend at all. You just start getting your party on when suddenly it's time to take it off again. Bite me, Wednesday.

All in favor of moving the 4th July to the nearest Monday or Friday, please mail a loaf of unsliced bread to your congressperson. Thank you.