Thursday, June 28, 2007

Me: Hey dawg.
Blog: That's blog. Blog with a 'B'.
Me: It's an expression, dawg. It shows my street cred.
Blog: Important to establish when you fake a conversation with an imaginary blog.
Me: Word.
Blog: So, where have you been?
Me: Thanks for asking. I've been away from this blog for quite a while, and that kind of absence demands an explanation. More than that, it demands a triumphant post, celebrating a return to the blogosphere. Thankfully, I have been crafting such a post in my head for days now, a virtual tour de force. This is my "David" post, dawg.
Blog: Blog. Go for it.

What's up with muffins?

I had to go into the office this week, so I stopped by my local cafe for a cup of coffee and a bite to eat on my way down to the south bay. My first instinct was to buy a chocolate croissant, one of my favorite foods in the world, but I'm unable to eat those in a car without decorating my shirt and pants with buttery pastry bits, chocolate smudges, and a dusting of powdered sugar. Since I was going into the office to deliver training, I wanted to try and look professional, which is best faked when one's clothing isn't a collage of their breakfast. Also, I haven't been running much, so I grabbed their healthiest muffin, a bran and raisin monstrosity.

I got about one bite into the muffin before it exploded, spectacularly spraying muffin bits all over my shirt, pants, and car seat. This was no ordinary mess. It was as though the internal structure of the muffin had broken done at the molecular level. From my lap to my chest, I was coated with a fine layer of bran molecules, which immediately bonded to my clothing utilizing the supernatural glue of raisin molecules. It was yet another "screw you" from the world's most evil food.

Touché, raisins. Touché.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to.


The 4th Sister said...

In 15 days that is what you have been up to 'you ate a muffin!' that is all we are getting

Mike said...

How many muffins should I have eaten?

Pensive Turtle said...

Alas, I learned that muffin lesson a long time ago. I now use a knife AND a plate when tackling the beast. Kind of like George Costanza and the Snickers bar. It's in anconvenience food, really.

Tasty said...

Hee! Thanks for the giggles.

Sue said...

So glad you are back! I was missing my semi-weekly chuckle.

Mike said...

PT, you are absolutely right. They sell and package muffins like convenience foods when in fact they are just the opposite. Insidious.

Tasty and Sue, thanks!

Kat said...

Whats more shocking than this exploding muffin is the news that you "haven't been running...". Who is this mystery blogger and what have you done with Mike?

Mike said...

Kat, oh, right, the running thing. Yeah, I'll get to that.