So, when the Psychologersons came over for dinner on Saturday night, eventually conversation turned to my recent sleep issues. They made a few suggestions on sleeping well and then offered the most horrible theory I've heard yet.
"Mike, maybe you're just a morning person."
A what? A what-ing person? Ewwwww!
Let's be perfectly clear. Morning people are the worst possible kind of people. They're annoying and cheerful and tragically unhip. I can't possibly be a morning person. I only have two of the three required attributes!
Meanwhile, in a soon to be intersecting thread of this blog post, Hank has recently signed up for a "boot camp" style exercise program. It's an early morning group program offered in our neighborhood that combines strength and cardio exercises. It's the sort of thing that I used to do back when I was training to run marathons. You know, back when I was crazy.
Her program was supposed to start today, but not enough people signed up, so the instructors called last night and moved Hank to next month's session. That left Hank, who likes having exercise buddies, stuck without a current exercise program.
This was God laughing at me. See, there I was, earlier in the weekend, mocking the very notion that I was going to start willingly getting out of bed early, refusing to give in to my body which apparently has little interest in sleeping until a reasonable hour, when suddenly I'm presented with a compelling reason to rise at an inhuman time. I don't really believe in a God, but if there is one, he is a vengeful and mocking Lord (which, to be perfectly honest, probably makes him a little more accessible).
So, today, we got up early, and jumped rope, and pulled stretchy bands, and did crap like that. Now I'm tired AND sore.