Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Man, I've been really bad about blogging, and I don't have much time this evening, and I don't have a particularly good topic. So, I rummaged through my notes of good anecdotes and came across this mini one. It's more of a fond memory than a full-fledged blog post, but that's what you get when I'm neither available nor sober.

During the summer at the end of my senior year of high school, my girlfriend (whom, astonishingly, had put up with me for nearly a year and a half) was going on vacation with her family for a couple weeks. This was going to be the first time we were apart for more than a few days since we had started to.... (Daisy! Quit reading this!)... have sex.

My girlfriend gave me a present before she left. It was neatly wrapped and formal looking. I unwrapped it and found a empty toilet paper roll that had been decorated on the outside and lined with soft velvety felt on the inside. It demonstrated her craft-making abilities but the purpose of it was not clear.

"So, it's a fancy toilet paper roll?" I asked.

"No, it's for your wiener!" she said proudly!

"I'll wipe my weiner with toilet paper from the fancy roll?"

"No! You put your wiener in it! It's for masturbating!" she said, beaming at me.

It was, in retrospect, one of the more thoughtful gifts I have received in my life. I never brought myself to actually use it (and, frankly, I pray that it would be too small for me), but I've always been impressed that a high school girl understood what was really going on in the brain of a high school boy.


carey said...

I can't keep up with my blog either, but at least I'm sober.

Do you still have it? I kept just about everything that any man has ever given me, ever.

Mike said...

Oh, I was just a little unsober. But, no, I don't have it. I was a bit too embarrassed to keep a masturbatory accessory around.