Thursday, December 14, 2006

Between the extra chores, work, and kid-stuff, yesterday ended up being a very busy day. I certainly wasn't going to make that mistake two days in a row, so I took the day off from work. Nobody ever heard of the Agnostic Work Ethic.

Speaking of being ambitionless, aside from my constant efforts to be on-time everywhere and all the time, I rarely set goals for myself. Making a goal is the first step towards failure, so by abstaining from goal setting, I prevent failure, thus ensuring success at being failure-free. And for those achievinistas who consider my approach to just be a shortcut to failure, I'd hope they'd at least admire the balls-out efficiency of it.

That being said, I did set a goal this year. Last year, in my end-of-year round-up, I noted that I had run 989 miles. I vowed to myself that I'd run 1000 miles in 2006.

Note that this is really a crappy goal. First, 1000 miles wouldn't be a record for me. Second, 1000 miles is about 1% further than 989. Oooooh, 1%. Way to really stretch yourself there, champ. How long would it have taken the U.S. to land on the moon if J.F.K. had merely vowed to get 1% closer during his presidency? (Answer: MUCH longer).

Anyway, one of the things I did with my day off was go for a 5 mile run. Afterwards I excitedly entered the run into my spreadsheet (which gives me at least as much satisfaction as the run itself) and added up the total 2006 miles so far. As of today, I'm at 999.2. I don't mean to jinx myself, but I think the 1% Brass Ring is within reach.

I also did a bunch of Winter Present Tree Day shopping. Along with buying stuff for Daisy, I kept an eye out for a present for myself, a Nintendo Wii. After visiting numerous stores, I was left with this question:

What unspeakable act do I have to perform to get a Nintendo Wii?

If you have such a device, and are into sexually awkward computer programmers, drop me a line. I'm lubed and ready and have a slightly underdeveloped gag reflex.

(Mom, skip that last paragraph!)

Speaking of inappropriate sexual references, I was walking past Brookstone today and was horrified to see their latest exercise device, the iGallop. Here's the promotional video for it:

And, here's what it looks like when a regular human uses it.

And finally, just because I can't not link to this, a cat:


Anonymous said...

Oh man, the cat is fantastic. He's clearly pissed at first, then kinda gets it, then just can't be bothered to jump off and actually seems to try to get comfy for a nap.


Kat said...

I can't stand the stress, such a nail biter waiting to hear if you meet that running goal. Very funny, but I feel sorry for the kitty.

Mike said...

Pablo, yeah, that cat is my new hero. His tolerance reserves are tremendous. And I love the vaguely stoned look in his eye.

Kat, I promise you you'll be among the first few dozen to know, assuming you ever read this blog sometime next week.

Janelle Renee said...

That kitty rocks. As for what unspeakable act you should do to reward yourself with the Nintendo gadget...

I don't know if this classifies as unspeakable, but you showed us actors on the iGallop and regular folk on the iGallop. I would love to see a video of you on that contraption (if that isn't a cheap ploy--putting "i" in front of "gallop"-- to hook in mac people, I don't know what is).

If the above isn't challenging enough, then I propose that you get 15 people to post the video on their blog. If you can accomplish that, my friend, then you most definitely deserve whatever gadget floats your rubber ducky.


Mike said...

JR, that's an interesting challenge but there are three problems with it.

1) You are not Ze Frank and cannot command your minions to perform random acts.

2) Executing that challenge gets me no closer to having a Nintendo Wii.

3) I would not look funny on the iGallop. I would look dignified.

Janelle Renee said...

That's what I get for getting distracted by the bright, shiny and colorful videos on your blog--I misread your request. I thought you were looking for suggestions--something to do in additon to running your last 0.8 mi, to justify an under the tree present for yourself.

My apologies.

I know I'm not Ze Frank! I'm not even worthy enough to wipe cake crumbs off of his lapel.

carey said...

I hope that 1% Brass Ring is just barely within reach, so you don't accidentally plow into it like you might plow into, say, a trash can.

Surely a man invented the igallop, following in the hoofbeats of the sexy ithighmaster.

Mike said...

JR, Lavaduckie is definitely worthy of brushing cake crumbs off his lapel.

Carey, I appreciate your concern, even if you do mask it with mockery.

greenchicken said...

merry christmas or should i say happy hannaka. anyway best wishes for you and yours from arkansas. from the greenchicken other wise know as patsy

Mike said...

Thanks, Greenchicken. And a Jolly Winter Present Tree Day to you.

Anna said...

My friend and I had the exact same experience last Wenesday when we were browsing through Brookstone, mentioning to each other that the iGallop was a pretty crazy contraption, and luckily, to spare me the embarassment, she refused to let me give it a whirl.

PS, I am not even 100% how I just got to your blog, but I have been sitting in a coffee shop for the last 30 minutes bursting out loud with laughter and getting some funny looks. I love it! It is now a favorite!

Mike said...

Hi Anna! I hope you weren't drinking coffee while laughing. Spit takes are funny, but coffee stains.

J2 said...

You only ran 989 miles in 2005?!? Slacker!


Mike said...

J(ay/2), how many did you run?