Saturday, April 15, 2006

Today I forgot my cardinal rule of running. That rule is:

Never Listen To Dolface

"I'm gonna head over to Marin and hit Dipsea", he began his email taunt. "Anyone care to join me? It should be freakin' gorgeous over there."

I immediately recognized the danger in accepting this invitation. No good can come of running with Dolface. The man has been medically tested to have -6% body fat and he salivates at the opportunity to abuse his body with inhuman trail running.

"No way am I running the Dipsea" I thought to myself, astonished as my fingers typed the words: "That sounds pretty good."

Doh! I hate my fingers.

So, I did 13 miles of horrible horrible trail running with Dolface this morning. The Dipsea trail is constant punishment, almost every step either leading you wearily uphill or dangerously downhill. As an added benefit, 7 weeks of unrelenting rain have rendered the course muddy, slippery, and ankle-twisty. Since I am a clumsy runner on the best of terrain, I was in a constant state of fear, keeping my eyes glued to the trail ahead of me.

Dolface mocked me from ahead.

"Oh, man! Look at those wildflowers!"

Quit it, Dolface. I can't look up or I'll fall.

"Whoa! This view is INCREDIBLE!"

How nice for you.

"Look! Naked women giving out $100 bills AND candy!! I'M GOING TO EAT SKITTLES OFF HER PERKY BREASTS AND GET PAID FOR IT!"

I hope you choke on her nipples.

The run was rainy and brutal. On a flat course, I can run 13 miles in about an hour and a half. Today, it took me over 2 hours and 20 minutes. Out of those 140 minutes, I enjoyed about 3 of them. I think Dolface enjoyed them all.

But, I must admit that the bastard took good care of me. He took his natural pace down a notch, allowing me to keep up and not get lost. He even pointed out the patches of poison oak, knowing that I would otherwise blindly run straight into it. Thanks, Dolface!


Janelle Renee said...

I'm surprised you didn't run into a tree.

(Hey, that sounded funnier before I wrote it. Oh well.)

Mike said...

I'm a surprising guy!

(You think your comment was funnier before you wrote it? You should have read my blog entry while I was thinking it. HILARIOUS!)

The Tart said...

I have 2 words of sweet revenge 4 Dolface: Roller Rink. Bet he can't survive that. ; )

Tween the 6 year old little speed demons & the 55 yr old guy that makes skating look effortless... Dolface will wish for the ole days of marathon runnin in the mud. If the skating doesn't get him the disco tunes surely will.

Bubble Pop Electric smooch,
The Roll'in Tart

Psssssst. Come on by for the details fm the Rink!

Mike said...

Jocelyn, that's an interesting plan you pose, but somehow I just can't see inviting Dolface out for a day at the roller rink. I can't even lure the guy over to my house for booze and poker.

dolface said...

dammit! how'd i miss the naked chick?

Mike said...

Dolface, are you saying that I made up this naked skittles chick? SHAME ON YOU! She was probably just a blur to you, as you hurtled down the mountain