Today I forgot my cardinal rule of running. That rule is:
Never Listen To Dolface
"I'm gonna head over to Marin and hit Dipsea", he began his email taunt. "Anyone care to join me? It should be freakin' gorgeous over there."
I immediately recognized the danger in accepting this invitation. No good can come of running with Dolface. The man has been medically tested to have -6% body fat and he salivates at the opportunity to abuse his body with inhuman trail running.
"No way am I running the Dipsea" I thought to myself, astonished as my fingers typed the words: "That sounds pretty good."
Doh! I hate my fingers.
So, I did 13 miles of horrible horrible trail running with Dolface this morning. The Dipsea trail is constant punishment, almost every step either leading you wearily uphill or dangerously downhill. As an added benefit, 7 weeks of unrelenting rain have rendered the course muddy, slippery, and ankle-twisty. Since I am a clumsy runner on the best of terrain, I was in a constant state of fear, keeping my eyes glued to the trail ahead of me.
Dolface mocked me from ahead.
"Oh, man! Look at those wildflowers!"
Quit it, Dolface. I can't look up or I'll fall.
"Whoa! This view is INCREDIBLE!"
How nice for you.
"Look! Naked women giving out $100 bills AND candy!! I'M GOING TO EAT SKITTLES OFF HER PERKY BREASTS AND GET PAID FOR IT!"
I hope you choke on her nipples.
The run was rainy and brutal. On a flat course, I can run 13 miles in about an hour and a half. Today, it took me over 2 hours and 20 minutes. Out of those 140 minutes, I enjoyed about 3 of them. I think Dolface enjoyed them all.
But, I must admit that the bastard took good care of me. He took his natural pace down a notch, allowing me to keep up and not get lost. He even pointed out the patches of poison oak, knowing that I would otherwise blindly run straight into it. Thanks, Dolface!