It's been an uninspiring week, blog-wise.
Work has been soul-sucking, although not amusingly so. I haven't attended any parties where I was the only person in costume. Nor have I traveled to semi-far-away lands to eagerly squander my daughter's college fund on blackjack. Just a humdrum week without even any offkey humming or white-boy rhythm drumming.
Where are my amusing anecdotes? Maybe you can help me find them. Here's a breakdown of a typical day for me:
6:40am - Wake up, stagger to computer to check email and blog stats. Despair that I'm not a blogging superstar.
Funny? No. Depressing? Screw you.
6:50am - 7:40am : Coax daughter into school readiness. Make and eat breakfast. make coffee.
Funny? Not yet. Mind-numbing, perhaps.
7:40am - 7:45am : Befoul crapper.
Totally the most amusing thing so far. Humor points for bowel regularity. Bonus points for when I plug up the toilet.
7:45am - 8:00ish : Read various web things while easing into workday.
8:00ish - noon : Work!
No humor here. Just relentless productivity punctuated by Instant Messages about who the biggest bitch is, me or my coworkers (them!).
Noon - 1:00ish : Lunchtime! Maybe go exercise. Maybe blog. Cram some food into the ol' cry-hole for sure.
The word "cryhole" is mildly amusing, but lunch itself is devoid of humor unless I'm eating something spoiled.
1:00ish to 5:30ish : Work!
No humor here. Just machine-like efficiency. And the porn hour.
5:30pm - 7:45pm : Dinner, kitchen clean-up, tormenting the child.
Not as funny as it sounds. I mean, it's impressive that I can exasperate my six year-old by making the same jokes over and over, but it's not really a blog post. Ok, maybe ONE blog post.
7:45pm - 8:00pm : Get kid ready for bed.
This is really just a bunch of unhilarious nagging.
8:00pm - 9:00pm : Work or blog or make online Scrabble moves or sumpin computery.
Truly a laugh riot. Maybe I'll blog about the hilarious scrabble moves I can make with the Q. Or, maybe not.
9:00pm - 10:00ish: Hang with the wife. Probably watch some teeeeveeee.
Oh, that reminds me. Arrested Development just got canceled. People are dumb.
10:00ish: Go to bed. Read, etc.
That's it! See? Where's the funny? I guess there's a blog post about my schedule-adhering bowels in there. And maybe one about how I like repetitious jokes even more than a small child. That's about it though.
I need a blog muse. Or maybe I suck it up and blog with the jokes I have and not the jokes I want.