Monday, March 14, 2005

Me: Internet, how was your weekend?
Internet: ....
Me: Ok, I'll go first.

Saturday morning kicked off with a 21.75 mile run. Those of you who do not suffer from the same idiocy as me may be wondering what it's like to do a training run of that length. Well, here's a way to think of it. Imagine taking a running step. There! Not so bad! Ok, now take another one. Now, imagine repeating that another 28,593* times. It's like that, but not as fun and interesting as it sounds.

The subsequent ice-bath, however, is always a hoot. A nut-chilling hoot.

That night the wife and I attended a fundraising auction for my daughter's elementary school. More on that another day.

On Sunday night my sister-in-law babysat for us, so the wife and I got to go out and see one of them talkies. Moving pictures! With sound! Amazing.

We saw "Be Cool". The movie had some decent chuckles in it, but overall it was a big mess. The high point of the movie, and I can't believe I'm saying this in a public venue, was The Rock. He was pretty damn funny and I actually found myself looking forward to his scenes. (I think my IQ just dropped.) I can also say that I am looking forward to voting for him for Governor of California. Your turn will come, Rock. Rockernor. Goverrock. Whatever.

My grand outing to the movie theater left me with a couple other thoughts. First, when did it become common for people to bring their infants to non-kid movies? Seems like there's an infant in the audience the majority of the time. Babies, as it turns out, HATE movies. They squawk out of boredom and eventually start crying. Babies are annoying enough OUTSIDE of a movie theater, but inside?? Unacceptable. Had the parents of this child possessed arm muscles even more atrophied than mine, I would have chastised them. I'm Big Man In Movie Theater when confronted with pipsqueaks. I fear normal mortals with their average arm strength though.

Secondly, as long as we're on the theme of beating people up in movie theaters, if I were some sort of mugger or thief, I would totally prey upon dudes pissing at a urinal. I'd kick them in the back, slamming them into the urinal, and then grab/demand their wallet. Soooo easy. Once they're covered in piss, and their penis is still hanging out, how much of a defense are they going to put up? At worst they'll pee on me.

I'm telling you that there's good money in this. If this whole computer programming thing doesn't work out, I may go into the urinal-based wallet-snatching field.

If any of you would-be muggers steal my idea, I expect a cut. Bastards.

* actual number of steps computed from my steps-per-minute pace


nomax said...

"Goverrock" - you heard it here first folks!

The Mincemeat Vixen said...

Please let us know the IP addresses for those who find your site through a google search for "nut-chilling hoot"

Mike said...

Nomax, none of the phrases rolls off the tongue as well as The Governator, but it's a small price to pay for the political mastery of The Rock.

Vixen, I'm guessing your IP address.

amy said...

Of all the "talkies" to choose from you picked that flick??? Hmmm, you kids need to get out more as there are more "talkies" with actual plots to pick from. Secondly, thanks for writing about my favorite of your witty mind: peeing and urinals. It takes me back to when I first discovered your humor and the incredible story of the urinal you wrote. Almost brings tears to my eyes.
Bless you!

Mike said...

Our movie options are often limited by the movie start time, but in general the options seemed to suck this week. Is there a movie you'd recommend?

amy said...

Have you seen HITCH yet? Very funny. Cute. Romantic. But I love Kevin James from KING OF QUEENS. I just got done watching THE NOTEBOOK on DVD. No one told me I'd be bawling like crazy though. Back to HITCH.. it's more of a guy's romantic comedy than a chick flick cuz it's about Will Smith setting up guys with really hot chicks and it just happens to have Kevin James in it and he's so damn funny in it. Anyways, I'd recommend that. I'm sure the wife would get a chuckle too.

Mike said...

Hitch isn't really my kind of flick. Although Will Smith is appealing enough, neither the wife or I care for romantic comedies.