Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Recently I've been getting a lot of those automated telemarketing calls. These frustrate the crap out of me. Not only is it a big waste of my time, but I can't even play my little telemarketer games with them. I can't pretend to be mentally handicapped, or hard of hearing, or just an asshole (yes, I know the asshole part isn't really pretend).

These automated calls never offer the choices that I'd like to hear, like

"Press 1 to have your number added to our Do Not Call list" or
"Press 2 to send a plague of locusts to this office building" or
"Press 3 to mercifully end your life"

Generally I just hang up and fume. I shake my tiny programmer fist at the phone and wish for the good old days when human telemarketers would suffer my humor/wrath.

Lucky for me, one just called! Sadly, this telemarketer quickly realized this was not going to be a profitable phone call for her, so it ended soon.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring

Me: Hello?
TM: Hi, how are you doing today, sir?
Me: Um, I'm ok, but I think I'm about to get worse.
TM: Ha, well, my name is Lisa and I'm calling from Embassy Suites in Lake Tahoe about a new...
Me: I was right!!
TM: Oh, well, have a good night sir.
Me: You too, Lisa.

These people are on to me.

5 comments:

amy said...

Hi. I am a professional problem solver. Or ah... I actually work in a call center purgatory. I am full time "adjuster" is my actual title but no real person knows what that is. In layman's term my friend, for eight hours a day, I am a bill collector and a bank investigator. Definately not a telemarketer but someone who calls you every two days. I owe over $17,000 in student loans for a bachelor of arts degree I got in 2001 in criminal investigations, yet I sit day after day in a tiny gray Dilbert cube calling delinquent yahoos because they decided to buy trinkets and shit at Wally World and don't feel the need to pay us back. Nice post for today. I am a child that was mooned. Yes indeed. God Save Us All.

Mike said...

You should change your business cards to "Professional Problem Solver". I like that one. Well, I hope Wally World never replaces you with automated calls. They suck.

amy said...

hi. um. i work for a bank. i work for clark griswald's favorite amusement park. i work for a newspaper. i work for city league's basketball. these are my jobs. perhaps i am a professional problem solver in all four places. god knows what i have to endure. i think i will order me up some cards online with that title on it. :) have a grand ole day pooh bear. your pal, eyeore

Mike said...

What? Pooh bear? What?!?! I think if you had spent a little more thought you probably could have come up with a more inappropriate name for me, but it wouldn't have been easy.

amy said...

i have my thinking cap on now asswipe. let me get back to ya !
your shit ass pal in the prairie, inky