Tuesday, February 01, 2005

During my 15 years of car ownership I never once felt compelled to put a bumper sticker on my car. It's not that I'm above the concept of affixing pithy stickers to my vehicle, it's just that I don't have much faith that what strikes me as amusing right now, will still strike me as amusing years from now. Maybe a "My Nose is Blogging this!" bumper sticker will tickle my funnybone today, but next year I'll probably look at it and realize that I am a dork.

This is the same logic that prohibits me from getting a tattoo. I like the concept of using your body for art, but I'll bet that the 80 year-old Mike won't appreciate the humor of looking at his penis and seeing "http://www.suckme.com" on it. The 36-year old Mike thinks that's a freakin' riot though.

Note that this fear of evolving tastes is an odd attribute in a man who hasn't changed his hairstyle since he learned to grasp a comb.

But if you absolutely made me put a bumper sticker on my car, if you put a gun to my head, or threatened to make me use dial-up again, I think I'd choose the bumper sticker that I occasionally seen on an old 1970's era Chevy pickup truck here in my neighborhood. On a plain white background, in green letters, it clearly informs:



That's it. That's my favorite one. I'd be so damn amused to drive around in my faux-yuppie sedan, filled with sippy cups and child seats, sporting a bumper sticker that so plainly declared my requirements for picking up hitchhikers.

I believe that would complete the rich tapestry of inappropriateness that I have been weaving with the days of my life.

9 comments:

tinyhands said...

I've never permanently affixed a bumpersticker either, but I used to have a sign that I stole from a former employer in my back window: Wash Hands - It's The Law.

Mike said...

Sure, with your petite hands, washing them probably only takes a few seconds. My big masculine programmer hands are a different story, son.

amy said...

nice bumper sticker. i have never put one on either till i graduated from college may 2001 and found that upon graduating and before sticking me with a hefty fine of the student loan, they gave me a free window vinyl like cling on type of a sticker yet it wasnt a sticker cuz it just stuck to the window somehow like a weird static thing. where am i going with this? i put the weird vinyl cling on to my back window where it has now sat still clinging to the back window (where am i going???) and what the hell? have a good one obviously i cannot think for squat now. i need sleep.

Tasty said...

BWAHAHAHAAH, Mike. The www. tat is a frekin' hilarious idea. I bet the 80 year old Mike would get a chuckle out of it, too. On the other, er, hand, tattooing it on? EFFING OUCH!!!!!!!!!!

Mike said...

Inky, I don't know where you were going with that story either, but I'm sure you would have pulled it together at the end, like a finely constructed Seinfeld episode.

Tasty, it's hard to say what the 80 year-old Mike will like. He will be a spectacularly cranky fellow. I can't wait!

Anonymous said...

I too, have never afixed a sticker to my bumper, but I do remember my all time favorite from years ago, it read:

I BRAKE FOR HALLUCINATIONS!

Mike said...

Anonymous, well with the data we have here, I think it's conclusive that people who read/write blogs do not affix bumpersticks to their cars. I guess we prefer to express our witticisms here.

just sayin' said...

That green bumper sticker reminds me of a Joni Mitchell song, Blue.

Mike said...

Morgan, I'm not familiar with that tune, but I just googled the lyrics. I can see why you say that.