Action packed weekend, it was. And, as we all know, when I start speaking like Yoda, that means it's time for WEEKEND ROUNDUP, this week featuring multiple genitalia references! Please, keep your arms and legs inside the tram at all times, you should.

I kicked off the weekend's festivities by going on my final long training run for the upcoming Chicago Marathon. I ran around Lake Merced 5 times for a grand total of 22.5 miles. I averaged just over 7.5 minutes per mile, which is a little slower than I'd like but if I close my eyes and pretend that I ran a bit faster, then I'm really pleased with my time. I've chosen to go with that strategy for now.

Unfortunately, when you spend nearly three hours running, you miss out on big chunks of your weekend. I missed my daughter's first soccer game of the new season. My wife reports that they got slaughtered as usual, although in "micro" soccer, one does not keep score. At one point my daughter slipped and fell onto the ball. She was laying on the ground, crying, so my wife came out to get her. Upon hoisting her up, my daughter screamed for all to hear, "Owwww! I fell on my VAGINA!!".

I imagine many households wrestle with the words used to communication information about genitalia to their children. We've gone with the clinical approach although I lobbied for "naughty bits" early on. I lost that argument. I learned early on in the child-rearing process that when my wife and I disagree about parenting, she wins. It's best that way.

I caught up with the family after my run and had to take an ice bath. This is turning out to be a ritual for me after any run longer than 20 miles. It's super therapeutic, like applying a ice bag to your entire lower body, but getting into an icy-cold bath is always unpleasant. My wife stationed herself by the bathroom, announcing, a bit too gleefully, that she wanted to watch me get into the water. I did my best to get into the water as stoicly as possible, in response to her enthusiasm at watching my pain, but it's hard to keep a good poker face going when you're plunging your crotch into ice water. I kept from screaming like a school girl, but that was about all the stoicness I could muster.

My daughter wandered into the bathroom, mid-bath, and stated very matter-of-factly, "I can see your penis." "Yes, there it is," I replied, wondering at what age this type of interaction becomes inappropriate/criminal. "Are you going to wash your stinky ol' penis?" she asked? At this point I changed the topic and we moved on.

Soon we were off to SBC Park to see the Giants play the San Diego Padres. Had I run my 22.5 mile run a bit faster, or had we spent a bit less time discussing my penis in the bath, perhaps we would have arrived at the park 60 seconds sooner, allowing me to see Bonds hit his 701st home run. Aside from that moment, which we missed, the Giants put on their usual "Oh-Mike-is-in-the-stands-so-let's-suck-today" performance. It's getting spooky. I know they can win games, I've seen such things on TV, but damned if they can do it when I'm in the stands. Note to self, don't go to playoff games.

Sunday was Look How Cultured And Old I Am Day. We caught a matinee performance of Dame Edna's new show, "Dame Edna: Back with a Vengeance". As it turns out, much of the humor in this show comes from Dame Edna bantering with the audience. Who knew that making fun of old people was such a good source of humor? The audience really was old. I'm pretty sure that the only people in that audience younger than our group were kids brought to the show by their parents. I guess, now that grey hairs run rampant on my head, I might as well enjoy old-people-style entertainment. Bring on the Golden Girl reruns! Bea Arthur still has it. And then there was Maude, indeed.

That evening the wife and I went to go see Hero. Take Kill Bill, put it in China, replace all the squirting blood with flowing curtains and dazzling leaves, and you've got Hero. Or just think of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I guess that would be easier. Either way, I really enjoyed it. Beautiful film.

That concludes this episode of Weekend Roundup, it does.