My wife and I enjoy playing many games. Poker is a favorite and we're also nationally ranked Scrabble players (which, sadly, is about as impressive as it is cool). Our least favorite game, however, is What's Making That Beeping Sound? (tm)

Is it one of the zillion smoke detectors in the house? A long lost pager? Maybe a PDA has taken this opportunity to alert us to a mis-scheduled meeting. Sometimes the dishwasher gets into a passive-aggressive tizzy and beeps verrrrry quietly and repeatedly. The coffee maker beeps at every possible opportunity, but we're no longer surprised by that bastard. The most annoying beep is the toaster oven beep. About every six months, usually in the middle of the night, it will suddenly go "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep". Just one big long unending beep. It won't stop until you unplug it. No reason why. Perhaps it got lonely. (Note to self, make proactive toast before bed.)

Really, it's not so much that we're playing What's Making That Beeping Sound? (tm) as it is that the appliances are playing it. It's their version of hide and seek, the little electronic wankers.

So, I hardly feel guilty at all when I exact my revenge.

Our DVD player, which never beeps unexpectedly, lives quietly in a cabinet with glass doors, which are usually closed. The remote control for the DVD player has an "Open" button on it, which pops out the DVD drawer. I'm not quite sure why you need that button on the remote since you still have to actually walk over to the DVD player to do anything useful with the drawer, but more having buttons is always better, I guess.

It is with childish glee that I sit on the couch and repeatedly hit that damn button with the cabinet doors closed. I see the little drawer pop out about an inch, and then straaaaaaaaain to get past the glass. The poor thing whirrs and whirrs and eventually gives up and retracts the drawer. Hah! Take that!

Why do I torture the one object in the house that doesn't wake me up with nocturnal beeps? Because I can.