Went to my first Giants game of the season today. In honor of my presence, the Giants rolled out their most anemic offense. Skipper Felipe Alou painstakingly combed through the lineup removing anyone with abilities in the, apparently unnecessary, hitting department. Here was the lineup:
Neifi "What was Felipe Alou Thinking Batting Me First?" Perez
J.T. "Warning Track Power" Snow
Marquis "My Deal With the Devil Ended Yesterday" Grisson
Pedro "The Bench Must Be Getting Cold Without Me" Feliz
A.J. "Who Needs a Nickname With a Last Name Like" Pierzynski
Michael "I Was a Giant Killer When I Played For the Opposition And I'm Still a Giant Killer" Tucker
Dustan "Less Is" Mohr
Cody "I May Look Only 13, But I Bat Like I'm 12" Ransom
Brian "I Haven't Heard Of Me Either" Cooper
Our pitcher today, Brian Cooper, did a reasonable job, but I had never heard of this guy before. As near as I can tell, the Giants cobbled him together before gametime from spare parts: bits that were removed from Robb "Anyone Need A B?" Nen's shoulder, Barry Bond's skull from his previous, regular-sized head, eye of newt, etc. Frankly, the cobbling was pretty good. These Giants can't hit, but they can cobble with the best of them. Kudos to the medical staff.
Although we lost 3-0, I had a nice time. Often when I bring the family to the ballpark, I have to spend a large chunk of time entertaining the little'un. Since this game only took a little over 2 hours (thanks anemic offense!) and the wife did a lot of the entertaining, I got to see the whole debacle. Hazzah!